As simple as the faulty moon

Those are some pics of Brad and I! :] Aren't we cute!?! We started talking Nov 28. We Met Dec 2. We started dating Dec 3. We have now been together for a week and a half as of yesterday :] Things are going GREAT! He's really the sweetest guy ever! I am meeting his family on Dec 23rd, for their x-mas dinner, and Brad is meeting my dad's side of the family x-mas day! It should be interesting...thats for sure, lol. Life is pretty great right now! I still have to get a job, and get started on my novel. I got an AWESOME manga from Jackie for x-mas! We also made chocolate together yesterday, which was FUN! I am giving some to Brad & his parents for x-mas! I gave my parents theirs already, cause they couldn’t wait! xD

I have really been into the holiday this year! This month is just going really well for me this year! I hope everyone else feels the same!!! I think this whole year is going to be filled with fantastic things to accomplish! :] Oh, I just realized something...I actually came through on a New Years resolution ahahaha...I lost weight this year! How fantastic is that!?! I think I am going to loose some more though-I'm still not completely satisfied!

I wish I didn’t have 7 days of non-stop PAIN to go through, but other than PMS, I am doing GOOD!!!!

Aha, Jenn & I arent friends anymore. The fight was pretty much the finniest fight I have ever had with someone. Long story. I saw Jessica at the mall, and we haven’t been friends for quite sometime...I miss her though, cause we really fought over something so stupid! I should try making up with her, but she is so damn stubborn!

Hmm, I miss Brad, but I get to see him tomorrow night, so it's all good :] I'm quite bored right now, but really HAPPY!!! I hope someone comments this for once; aha-I'd like to reply back!!!

So basically my last post was pathetically depressing!

Lets see…a lot of new stuff has happened!

I updated my Myspace! It’s a Christmas theme, and I have new photo’s up! I broke a small mirror, and the bad luck has started & yet I am super happy, lol. Well…I got fired. I lost my favourite key chain. The guy I liked started being a total prick, but I e-mailed him a sort of confession on how I have been feeling, and I guess I will get a reply soon enough, but go figure a guy started messaging me on Myspace. His name is Brad and he is 27, which is quite an age difference, but I am thinking maybe it’s what I need in a relationship. Maybe that’s why nothing ever works for me in that department, cause the guys my age are just too, um, gay, emo, immature & so on, lol. Well, we will see what happens within time. I got up to turn my x-box off and I kicked a glass on my floor, it went flying into the wall and smashed all over and in front of me, so I couldn’t move xD A small bunji cord shot off the tarp on the boat and hit my dad in the eye, so he has a black eye, and the white part of his eye is completely red ;_;

Hmm, good things…Finding something new! Patching things up with Kristi! We seem to be getting along better recently, which makes me feel really good! Christmas holidays! The holiday is really having an effect on me :] I just hope it doesn’t go to the shits like it usually does! Hanging with my friends! I love spending time with people I care about! We may fight a lot, but I have a GREAT set of friends! Hmm, I’m really thankful to the new and AWESOME music people are sending me! It’s really put me in a good mood! I love how music can do that! :] New Years! I am hoping I can get together with a bunch of friends and see the bands downtown!?! Anyone interested!?! Ahhh, all I know is I want to have plans for this NEW YEAR! Cause I have a feeling it’s going to be a good one!

Oh, I also have to get a new job!!! Any ideas!?!

I finally came up with the BEST idea for my first novel :] I just hope I can finally write it, lmao! Wish me luck!!! & If anyone has character names, SHOOT! Or death scene ideas – all, which involve getting shot, bring them on, lol! And you will be credited :] Thanks!

Well, I am off to dance crazy in my room, hehe, maybe I will make a video sometime! ;]

Nov 5. - Watched 'V For Vendetta' :]

Nosy father strikes again. Why can nothing be private?

Phill and I got our piercings done today! :] It was good! My ear hurts alot more than my eyebrow though!

I realized today that I never get what I want. I don’t mean that in a selfish way or anything, or in an, I want this item way. I mean in life. I generally never get what I want, and so I realized I stopped wanting things...in a way. Phill and I were walking down town, we saw a comic book store and we were gonna walk by it, but it looked like he wanted to go in, so I said "Did you wanna go in?" and he said "I dunno, do you?" I said I don’t care and he asked why I was like that as we walked to the door. He asked why I would never say my opinion & he wants to know my opinions on things. I couldn’t answer. Like I said above-I stopped wanting. I find that when I am around people I never care about what I want to do. I just want to do everything they want to do, because it's easy, and it will make them happy. I don’t want to disappoint people, yet it's all I seem to know how to do. It's really upsetting.

I am also sick of liking people. It never works out. It’s heartbreaking and always disappointing. They disappoint me.

I am also sick of being a shell of myself. I use to be so carefree & I use to speak my mind. 2 things I can no longer do.

I am unable to show my emotions. My loneliness, my sadness and even my happiness without being shitted on. I am told I laugh too much. Well, if I didn’t laugh, you would ask me what is wrong over and over again, so of course I am going to indulge you with laughter. I want you all to be happy, even when I am not.

I miss alot of my friends, even the ones I see quite often. I miss being able to be crazy and fun and not be scared to look retarded. When did people’s opinions start to matter to me? They NEVER use to. Ever.

I want to visit Michael. He is one of the only people I can still be myself around. I want to sing & I want to dance in the middle of a street. I want to make mistakes, take chances & not be afraid anymore. I want my bravery back & I plan to get it back. No. I plan to take it back. Someday.

An update of me :]

My parents were nicking the other day and we were fighting the whole time because of it. They think that because I work all of my money should go to them when they need it. They would of course pay me back, but that is not the point. My dad decided to be an ass and pull the cable wire from the living room, ripping it from my bedroom which = no more internet. The only way we could have the net back is by putting the comp in the living room. How convenient, considering they have wanted it out there for the last year or 2. Enough about them.

I was sitting at the comp thinking 'I should write in my LJ soon' hence why I am writing. I felt kind of disconnected not writing in it for awhile. Once I start something it's hard not to continue with it.

I stopped writing to spend some time looking out the balcony window; Looking threw the naked branches with the small amount of colourful leaves. The blue sky... cloudy. The hydro poles... stand still while the wires swing. The sun...goes down slowly. The night...creeps up & the lights every 88 or so foot steps away light up. The window door is partly open and I can smell the air. It's cold. It makes me feel numb. I love the feeling. I smile and think, 'this is comforting.'

My mom is begging me to go to bingo. She's fucking obsessed. _ I'll go, just to get out of the smoky apartment & step into the cool weather where my breath is something you can finally see.

I guess I should tell you about Halloween. It was great. It was the first time I had done something in 3-4 years. I went from having no plans, to my friend Phill coming over with the movie Saw 1, which I still hadn’t seen. He was going to bring Saw 2 as well, but he couldn't find it in his messy room :]

Kristi was drunk and called me to use my bathroom, so I got to see her shortly. She likes Phill's hair, lmao.

Jenn called me on my cell. I hadn't talked to her in a long while, so it was good.

I walked Phill home. It was good. It was funny. I called Agnes & text with Ashley that night. Basically I talked to alot of people who matter to me that night and it was one of the happiest nights I’ve had in a long time. Very enjoyable.

Last night Kristi got me to go with her to Starbucks. I took cool pictures of her. We didn’t talk too much, but when we did it mattered, to me anyway. I'm seriously considering some advice she gave me, but it scares me. Alot. I guess it's just not me, & I want to be me more than anything. (It’s not doing anything bad, aha.)

Hmm, this journal kind of tells alot and nothing at the same time. I love stuff like that, lol.

Some of the words I’m hearing right now:

Trying to be someone that you know your not
It gets harder everyday
All the lonely days
There's no one left to love
You wish life would go away

Last night I was really bored & needed a walk. Kristi and I went for the walk I needed and it was good. Really good. On my way to meeting her, I saw a car slowing down on the opposite side of my street and the guy stuck his head out the window, saying: Hey, do you want a ride? Aha, I was like: No. *CREEPER!* It was so funny! (11pm?-3:30am)

I woke up feeling really sick & horrible today but then I went out with my mom to get her rent money from my bank & she had to get Timmies for my dad, so we went into the GTO one and BOOM--I find out that's where Nick's new work is, ahahaha, I LOVE THAT BOY! I pretended not to notice him and he was gunna sneak up and give me hugs, but I turned and he turned to his co-worker and was like "It didn't work!" Aha, so then I got special Nick hugs & then he hugged my mommy & we talked for a bit-It made my day :] I was totally happy from that point on and was like "Awwww, I got Nick hugs!" Aha, I’m such a spaz!

I also went and got a new cell phone :] it's camera/mp3 - basically it KICKS ASS all the way! :] Well, I think I’m done blabbing for a bit! ♥

The first two I made awhile back, and today my friend Kyle from ForeverFandom wanted me to make one for his fic, so he sent me the images he wanted together & I photoshopped it for him :] I hope everyone likes it...

This is me :] I have been working an awful lot lately, but I finally found the time to talk and chill with some friends. I was online pretty much the whole day, yesterday, talking to My Michael. Michael is basically one of my BEST friends ever!!! Anywho, we started talking about LJ, and I decided to make a new one-hence the journal. I had to work last night (Nightcrew @ Zehrs) so I gave Michael my account so he could pimp it up lol-yet I came home to nothing cause he forgot the password :P Silly boy! But he got to it today, and isn't it pretty? I love making layouts for Myspace, but LJ it's like: WTF do I do!?! ahaha, dunno why. We decided that toast is awesome and we have to make it sometime and fuck it with spoons and sporks-hence my new username, 'toast_fxxcker.' It's genius I tell you. I'm gunna try updating on here every chance I get! I'm a very simple, friendly, loving person, so don't fear me and leave me a message! I won't bite...hard, hehe. Check out my Myspace if you get a chance to! I love what I did with it :D I love videos and music, so feel free to link things to me, or send them, w/e floats your boat. I LOVE FANFICTION (Harry Potter/ Draco-Harry) If you want to know anything about me, or wish to talk to me, do so freely :] I'll always reply! I promise! I plan on writing Nothing and Everything here, so if I’m in a mood just ignore or comment, aha! Well, this was just a tiny/slash/not so tiny introduction to ME :] Hope to make some new friends, and communicate with the old ones more often! I LOVE YOU ALL!!! Keep safe! ^.~